you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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