Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
