So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
