You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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