i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
