Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
