Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
