I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
