Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
