The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
