We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
