why didn't you poke me back
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Someone shattered a urinal.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
