Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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