This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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