we have officially lost it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
