she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
no you cant smoke seaweed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He shit in the fireplace
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
