awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
