brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
