Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
