What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
