I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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