Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
