You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
