Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
