where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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