and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
