apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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