mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
