This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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