i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
