The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
