There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
