Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i love accidental penises.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
