You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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