No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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