dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
