Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
