You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
