Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
