I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
