no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
