Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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