meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
