Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
