Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
