So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
