TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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