Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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