toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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