dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
