Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
