If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
