He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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